The Only Way Through is Out Book Review

Full disclosure: I was given a free advance reader copy of this book by Books Forward in exchange for an honest review.

Ever since I read Late Bloomer: Finding My Authentic Self at Midlife by Melissa Giberson, I have been curious to read more LGBTQ+ related stories. What I didn’t realize is that there are a handful of memoirs like Late Bloomer that tell the tale of people realizing their true sexual orientation later in life. These include Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight by Loren A. Olsen and The Fixed Stars by Molly Wizenberg. Another one that will come out tomorrow is The Only Way Through is Out by New York Times author Suzette Mullen – a beautiful book that creatively stands out in many ways.

The Only Way Through is Out tells the story of how Suzette Mullen realized that she was queer and how she navigated it in her personal and professional life. Suzette always wanted to play it safe not to hurt anyone, and this resulted in a good life. She got law degrees, a kind husband, two wonderful sons, and a vacation home with an ocean view. However, she saw other people walk boldly through their lives and wondered what was holding her back. Then, she realized that she held a deep dark secret: she had been in love with her best friend – a woman – for nearly 20 years and still was. Leaning into those “unspeakable” feelings would put her identity, marriage, family, and life of privilege at risk. After months of inner turmoil and soul-searching, she decided to risk it in order to honor her own vows. Her initial euphoria evaporated under the weight of reality like illnesses, divorce negotiations, and finding out that her husband got himself a girlfriend. When she found herself at her lowest, she called on a friend, who took her to her hometown of Lancaster, Pennsylvania. A bunch of coincidences in that city proved to her that she could live her life as authentically as possible. 

The Only Way Through is Out may feel like another story about a middle-aged person coming out, but it’s unique in a few ways. One is how well written it was. I could follow the story even with all of its twists and turns, while it expresses key components with creative means. For example, when Suzette is figuring out how to balance her marriage to a man after coming out, each writes out four different scenarios: good marriage, good divorce, bad marriage, and bad divorce (p.89-91). When both share their expectations, she realizes that they are different. In another instance, she experiences a nervous breakdown while she’s on her way to Nashville for a convention. As she tries to sleep, she tries to convince herself that she can make it even though it becomes clear that she can’t. Mullen expresses this sequence in time stamps. This becomes the catalyst for her to reach out to her friend Jenn, so she can come and take her to where she’s at in Lancaster (p.186-189). Both illustrate her feelings of what she was going through through good writing.

Mullen also stands out with what relationships she emphasizes. In many coming out stories, the main focuses are the family, their spouses, and how they react. While she does highlight how her sister, mother, and now ex-husband felt after she told them about her sexual orientation, her core concern was with Reenie – her best friend. Reenie was her eldest son’s kindergarten teacher, and they were friends for decades. Suzette’s long-lasting crush on her was the primary reason she went on the journey to discover her true self. This meant being brave and confessing to Reenie about her feelings for her. Unfortunately, things don’t go as planned, for Reenie doesn’t reciprocate. What’s worse is that Reenie gives her an ultimatum: either choose her own happiness or honor her vows. I know that many people in the LGBTQ+ community will relate to that kind of relationship.

What shines the most in this memoir is Suzette’s inner struggle to make the choices that feel right for her happiness. Throughout, she recounts that up until her realization that she was queer, she lived a life of comfort with others deciding for her in terms of what she was going to do. Even her father, when he was alive, lifted her baby carriage over bumpy parts of the street, so she wouldn’t get hurt as an infant. In other words, she played things safe. But when she was figuring out her sexuality, she had a hard time listening to her inner voice. There are sections of the memoir that highlight those “conversations.” In them, she expressed confusion whenever that voice tells her to confess to Reenie about her crush, or not to do it or else it will hurt her in the end. Anybody, regardless of their sexual orientation, will relate to how sometimes, one has to take risks in order to live the life they want.

The Only Way Through is Out by Suzette Mullen is a wonderful addition to the growing number of books about middle-aged people coming out. Her focus on her crush and her intuition help to make the story stand out as authentically as possible. I would recommend to LGBTQ+, straight, and ally readers regardless of age. This memoir shows that it’s never too late to take risks in order to live in the most truthful way.

Before I go, I want to let you know that I had the opportunity to interview Suzette Mullen for the website. The transcript has been posted here. 
In addition, she gave me a special gift that I want to share with all of you: an ebook of Behind the Scenes: An Insider’s Guide to The Only Way Through Is Out which features five deleted scenes! Check it out here!

Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates. Also feel free to email me here for any review suggestions, ideas, or new titles!